The Gym Diaries: Quarantine Edition

I shared this sad little tale with a friend of mine and as I was relating it, I knew this was a Gym Diaries entry. The Gym Diaries is usually a rant on my end about other people’s stupid behaviors at the gym. This time, it’s all me baby.

My derpy,  disappointed face as I assessed the damaged. [recreated]

This is more or less the face I was making when I caught myself looking in the mirror while assessing the damage the day I took a dive trying to maintain my fitness schedule while in quarantine. (How you like that hair? So hot.)

My chest was covered in bruises and great big red splotches from the friction; I had hit curb chest-side down while exercising. This is not a competition of owies or anything, I’m just saying, when you have boobies, that really f*cking hurts. Lemme tell ya what happened.

It all started when, the night before my spill, I forgot to preset the coffee maker. I don’t know if you’ve noticed that my blog is called, ArmedWithCoffee. It’s a rare thing that I am without coffee, EVER. It is imperative that I start my day with coffee. The morning of my spill, coffee was not ready and waiting for me. FOR SOME STUPID REASON, I decide to not take the time to wait for a fresh brew. I need to get my run in before I sit down to 6 hours of filming for my tarot channel, Sassy Scorpion Tarot so I figure coffee can wait. STUPID.

I am out the door for all of 10 steps when the question occurs to me, ‘am I wearing pants?‘ I was legitimately concerned. So help me, I looked down to confirm the presence of pants. Pants are on. Great, all is well. Keep going. STUPID.

I run/walk my circuit around my neighborhood. In the absence of being able to use my regular, low-impact (knees) cardio machine at the gym, I run/walk. This cardio method is in thanks to an old knee injury. If you want to know more about it, refer to this portion of my first Christina Schmidt YouTube video. Anyway, on the last quarter of my circuit, I totally flyby my turnoff street…IT DOESN’T EVEN REGISTER. It’s not until I hit an intersection that is several blocks past where I need to be that it hits me. I double back.

On the way back, and before turning off onto my street, my foot lands perfectly, I mean dead damn center, on a round and fairly sizable stone. I mean this stone was round, one of the decorative kind that you buy to fill out yard space with. How did I not see this perfectly round and sizable stone? BECAUSE I WAS STUPID AND DEPRIVED MYSELF OF THE CAFFEINATED NECTAR THAT IS A GIFT FROM THE GODS AND I WAS MADE TO PAY THE PRICE. Or…because I was impatient to get my day started. The more likely of causes.

As I relate to my friend, “I spinout and in a weird effort to catch myself, plus momentum from the spin, I went ass up in the air and hit curb chest down.”

I’m still trying to work out the physics. If any of you are learned in physics, and can break that info down for someone like me, please tell me how the hell that happened!? How!? How did I spinout and go ass up at the same time? Perhaps the movement is in my head as I see it in my mind’s eye but, ya know, it’s got me in my thoughts like…d5b

There’s a reason people like me belong in a gym. We’re just chaotic agents when we’re allowed on the streets. We have to contain our discipline in order to minimize the damage to ourselves and others. I’m not even sure that that isn’t a joke?

On the plus side, I’ve taken up free weights again. I have some basic workout gear in my garage for bad weather days and it’s come in handy. My arms are typically the slowest thing about my body to develop and I’ve definitely seen improvement in definition since using free weights again. My calf muscles are somehow more explosive than usual. I’m not sure but I think the increased muscle pressure from running (even in it’s quasi state) has something to do with it. My daughter said, “Mommy, your legs look angry.”20200414_132738

Trying to keep physically fit during quarantine has been interesting…stupid and interesting. The point is, I keep up with it to the best of my abilities. In truth, my body probably needed a break in routine. I’m used to maintaining at the gym and haven’t seen new gains in some time so I may protest about exercise during quarantine but not very loudly. It’s good to try new things and rediscover the old things too. Just…not without coffee. Ever again.

Christina Schmidt, MA